


Bad Habit

by diezminutos



Series: Malex Song Fics [3]
Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Angst, F/M, M/M, Post 1x13, Post-Canon, So much angst, Song Lyrics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-01
Updated: 2019-05-01
Packaged: 2020-02-10 15:47:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18663421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/diezminutos/pseuds/diezminutos
Summary: Bad habit, I knowBut I'm needin' you right nowCan you help me out?





	Bad Habit

**Author's Note:**

> Based on Ben Platt's song "Bad Habit"

**Alex**

 

 _You always said that I'd come back to you again_  
_'Cause everybody needs a friend, it's true_  
_Someone to quiet the voices in my head_  
_Make 'em sing to me instead, it's you_

 

Alex wanted so badly to forget that Michael Guerin even existed.

He wanted to forget the museum, the shed, and the whole war he felt like he was fighting to prove that all this pain was worth it.

And yet, he still sat outside that stupid trailer.  That stupid trailer that shouldn't feel like home to Alex, but it does. He waited for hours and just as he was about to give up, Michael's truck pulled up. Alex thought through all the things he said last night, and all the things he still wanted to say, and all the possible things Michael could say. He tried to think through the probabilities that this time could work. This time could be a happy ending. Couldn't it? 

All those thoughts immediately disappeared when Alex realized that Michael wasn't alone.

Maria sat in the passenger seat trying to hide how happy she clearly was. She seemed to notice Alex the moment he noticed her as panic set through both of them. From where Alex stood, Michael seemed to tell Maria to wait a moment before he got out of the car and appeared in front of Alex.

"Forget about our talk?" Alex nodded towards Maria.

"I-I," Michael tried to play off how awkward he felt.

"It's fine," Alex pushed past him. "I get it."

"No, you don't," Michael grabbed his arm. "Look, I...I just...everything is so complicated and there's so much shit between us. I just thought a new-"

"Being with Maria is easier," Alex cut him off. "I told you. I get it." He turned to go back to his car but stopped himself. "This is the last time. I'm not coming back, Guerin."

"Come on," Michael laughed which just made Alex angry. "You and I both know this isn't the last time we'll see each other. What happened to trying to be friends?"

"It is because it has to be."

"Why?"

"You know why," Alex glared at him. He found himself looking at Maria. He wanted to be happy for her. He really did but he just couldn't. "Bye, Guerin." He turned and walked the few steps to his car.

When he got in his seat and tried to fumble with his keys, he made the mistake of looking up. A guitar case sat in the bed of Michael's truck. Alex watched as Maria grabbed the handle and pulled it to her. Michael wrapped his arm around her shoulder and helped her lift it out of the truck. It was then that Alex finally noticed Michael's hand.

Max healed it.

Alex was far away, but he knew Michael's body-and that hand-better than anyone. Michael's hand was okay. Better than okay. Michael could play music again and quiet the chaos of his life. The chaos that Alex caused. 

Michael was right. Their relationship was hard.

So why was ending it so much harder?

 

 _Hate to say that I love you_  
_Hate to say that I need you_  
_Hate to say that I want you_  
_But I do_

 

"Alex, hey, um I really can't do more conspiracy stuff right now," Alex heard Kyle's voice over the phone.

"How about a beer instead?"

"Beer?" Kyle's voice sounded lighter, maybe even happy. "Yeah. Yeah, a beer sounds great. You want to go to a bar or-"

"Come over."

"Be there in 10."

 

"I waited for hours! Hours!" Alex groaned drunkenly before he took another long sip of his beer. "And he shows up with her...and a fucking guitar. Asshole." he took a deep breath and finally glanced at Kyle who was trying to process all this new information. "Sorry," he mumbled. "I didn't invite you to just vent. I-"

"Don't worry about. You gotta do what you gotta do to get over it."

"What?"

"You loved him and he...well he picked someone else...that hurts," Kyle put his hand on his shoulder. His touch felt like fire. Dangerous but intriguing.

"I don't love him," Alex shook his head at the thought. All of this was ridiculous. He didn't love Guerin and he definitely didn't just have a feelings crisis about Valenti.

"You do, Alex," Kyle sighed. "You do and that's gotta suck, but there's someone out there that is going to pick you. You're their person. Maybe he's right in front of you and your history with Guerin blinded you...or maybe you just haven't met him yet."

"Yeah," Alex nodded. "Maybe."

 

A few weeks later, their beer had become a weekly thing. They'd drink beer and just live. No talk about aliens or government conspiracies. It was easy. So much easier than hanging out with Guerin. Maybe he was right. A fresh start could do him some good.

It was getting later and Kyle collapsed against the couch after they finished up cleaning after dinner. "How you feeling?" he sighed.

"I'd feel a lot better if that person came along. Guerin's winning," he dragged himself to couch next to him.

"It's not a competition," Kyle laughed. "But if it was, I'd root for you." They both laughed at that and became quiet for a moment.

"He's out there, Alex," Kyle whispered.

"How do you know?" Alex said softly as he stared at the ceiling.

"Because you deserve it," Kyle shifted and Alex could feel his fiery touch again. "You deserve everything you want."

Kyle wasn't even touching him now, but the fire was so strong, so big and could have devastating loses, but Alex couldn't help himself anymore. He turned his head and watched Kyle look at him. He leaned forward and pressed the slightest of kisses to Kyle's lips. He pulled back just as quickly as Kyle felt it happen and before Alex knew it, Kyle was pulling him back in for more.

They kissed until Alex couldn't remember his own name, let alone Michael's.

 

 _Bad habit, I know_  
_But I'm needin' you right now_  
_Can you help me out?_  
_Can I lean on you?_  
_Been one of those days_  
_Sun don't wanna come out_  
_Can you help me out?_  
_Can I lean on you?_

 

"Kyle, stop," Alex grabbed his boyfriend's wrist. "Where are you going? We gotta unpack."

"I don't think it's such a good idea for me to move in anymore."

"Why not?"

"Really, Alex?" Kyle groaned. "I thought we were finally done with everything Guerin, but one look at him at the grocery store and...and I realize nothing's changed." Alex shook his head and tried to step closer to Kyle. Kyle stepped back to keep the distance. "You still look at him the same way. The way I hoped you would one look at me," Kyle wiped the tears that were starting to fall. "I love you, Alex. God I love you...but you don't feel the same way about me."

"I do," Alex shook his head again. "Kyle, I love you."

"You love him more," Kyle whispered. "You deserve someone who picks you...but I do, too." Kyle refused to look at Alex as he pulled his jacket on. "Goodbye, Alex."

 

If Alex thought walking away was hard, being walked out on was arguably worse. The whole situation was messy. He felt awful. He felt horrible. How could he have done such a horrible thing?

 

He had to fix this.

 

**Michael**

 

 _You make me feel like I'm floatin' off the ground_  
_Above this little town, you do_  
_Look at me smile with tears in my eyes_  
_I love the way you lie, I do_

 

Kissing her was simple. It felt right. He had forgotten what it felt like to kiss someone and not have to justify it. He didn't have to take it back. He could just kiss her and nothing and no one was going to hurt him.

At least, that's what he thought.

When he pulled up to the trailer, he didn't expect Alex to be there. Sure, he had told him to come the night before, but he had told Alex to do a lot of things over the years. When they were in high school, Michael told A that he should do what he wanted, even if that meant upsetting the family legacy. Whenever Alex stayed the night, Michael told him to stay. When Caufield was collapsing Michael told Alex to leave him behind. Alex never listened. Why was this time different?

He hated to admit that he watched Alex as he drove away that day. He hated that he let Alex walk away again. But he loved that he knew Alex was lying when he said he wouldn't come back. Michael had made that promise a long time ago and he saw where it got him. When Alex went to fight in the war instead of fighting for them, Michael had decided that what they had wasn't special. It was just a high school fling. It wasn't meant to last.

It wasn't meant to, but it did, so Alex would be back. Michael was sure of it.

"Michael," Maria's voice was soft like it was hard to say his name. "If you still love him-"

"No," he shook his head holding her face gently in his hands. "It's you and me, DeLuca." She looked at him skeptically but all worry or thought was gone when he kissed her.

Just like that, the breeziness was back. That feeling in the pit of his stomach was there, but it wasn't worry. It didn't feel like a crash landing but the takeoff. It was the jitters he assumed one gets as they fly away from home off to some far away place ready and excited to explore a new part of the world that he never knew previously existed.

Maria was easy. Maria was new. Maria was exciting.

 

 _Hate to say that I'm lonely_  
_Hate to say that I miss you_  
_Hate to say that it's dark in here_  
_But it's true, oh_

 

Seeing Michael Guerin cry was on the top of Maria's list of things she never thought she would see in this lifetime. But when she came into the bar, there he was on his usual stool crying. "Hey," she set her things down and rushed to him. "Hey, Babe, what's wrong?"

"Nothing," he wiped the tears away.

"Don't pull that crap on me," she shook her head. "Talk to me."

"It's too complicated," Michael shook his head and sighed trying to pull himself together.

"Too complicated?" She stared at him. "Michael, I know you're life hasn't been easy, but-"

"You don't know the half of it," he snapped at her, regretting it immediately.

"How do you expect me to know if you don't tell me anything? Everything is some big secret. We've been dating for almost three months and I feel like I know nothing about you."

"It's easier this way," he mumbled.

"I don't want easy!" she sighed exasperatedly. "Don't you get that? I want you! I don't care-"

"I do! Okay? I like easy! It's...it's easy! Okay? I'm sorry."

"Would you tell Alex?" she asked softly.

"Don't do that," Michael groaned. "I picked you."

"It doesn't feel like it," she whispered. She left his side to pick up her things. "Maybe we rushed into things...this...it doesn't feel right."

"What are you saying, DeLuca?"

"Maybe we should just go back to being a bartender and a customer," she turned to head to the back. "Maybe it'll be easier." 

She hadn't meant to make her words sting the way they did, but she couldn't take them back after they came out.

"Is that what you want?"

"If you're not willing to give me all of you..."

"I'm sorry, DeLuca," he whispered. "I want to...I just..."

"Can't," she nodded. "I understand, Guerin."

 

The plane was running out of fuel. There would be no exploring and there certainly wasn't any excitement. Just chaos all over again.

 

As Michael drove home, he tried to think how he would even try to explain it to Maria.

I miss my mom.

Or

I thought my mom died when I was a kid and today marks the three months of me realizing she was alive and then killed again.

Or

I'm actually an alien and Alex's father locked all my family in some alien prison that got blown up right in front of me.

None of them sounded promising.

Now, not only did he lose his mom, Alex, but he lost the one person who didn't look at him like he was pathetic. Yeah, she teased him and told him he needed to clean up his act. But deep down, he knew she believed in him more than anyone else in this stupid town.

Thinking about it all made him realize that being with Maria may not have been that much easier than being with Alex. He and Alex had a complicated history, sure, but he had to hide most of himself from Maria. And maybe he wasn't as okay with that as he thought he was.

When he finally got home, it was as if the universe knew exactly what he wanted in that moment.

Alex.

 

 _Bad habit, I know_  
_But I'm needin' you right now_  
_Can you help me out?_  
_Can I lean on you?_  
_Been one of those days_  
_Sun don't wanna come out_  
_Can you help me out?_  
_Can I lean on you?_

 

"Couldn't stay away, could you?" Michael called to him as he got out of his truck.

"Kyle broke up with me," Alex stared at his feet as if he were a child admitting he did something wrong. "I didn't know what else to do. I know you're with Maria...but I need you right now, Guerin." Michael hated how upset he sounded. "I saw you at the grocery store this morning."

"You did?" The day felt so long that Michael couldn't even remember that he was there.

"Yeah," Alex chuckled to himself. "You were getting some beer and nail polish remover."

"Old habits die hard I guess," Michael tried to smile.

"It just...it broke me to see you so unhappy."

"Today's three months since Caufield," Michael finally took a seat by the fire pit. He gestured for Alex to sit across from him. "I...I didn't know what else to do. Maria doesn't know anything and I thought that was for the best."

"Isn't it?" Alex asked. "I thought keeping all the alien stuff from her made things more simple."

"I thought so, too," he shrugged. "But turns out she doesn't like easy and she wanted all of me...but I couldn't do that to her...what I did to you."

"I knew before you told me, Guerin."

"You knew some...but me telling you everything put you in danger and it made everything...just so much." Alex nodded in agreement. "I thought being with her was easy, but now...I'm not so sure." He shook his head. "Doesn't matter anyway. She ended it."

They both stared at the empty fire pit just trying to think about what all this new information meant.

"I'm such an idiot," Alex shook his head breaking the silence. Michael didn't say anything but did finally lift his head and looked at Alex. "I told myself after what you did that I would never come back here."

"I remember," Michael nodded. Alex rolled his eyes.

"But the second something goes wrong, it's like my brain is on autopilot and doesn't know what else to do."

"Yeah," Michael just nodded. "Me, too."

"Old habits, I guess," Alex leaned back in his chair.

"Yeah," Michael repeated.

They stayed still and quiet for a moment and Michael finally stood up. "Look it's been a long day, and this doesn't have to mean anything if you don't want it to, but...do you want to come in? It's late and dark and I don't know...if you don't want to drive and you can leave first thing in the morning-"

"Yeah," Alex stood up. "I'll stay."

That shouldn't have made Michael as excited as it it. And it definitely should not have given him hope.

This was a mess. This shouldn't happen. This was a bad idea.

"Good," Michael found himself saying as he led the way inside.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Come find me on tumblr! (-michaelneverlooksaway)


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